Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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