Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
