Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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