***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
