Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
