dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
