i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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