I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
