I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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