Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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