I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
