I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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