He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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