I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
