I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
