Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
