I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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