STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
