My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
