You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
