So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
