I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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