I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
