I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
