Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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