That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
