You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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