I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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