I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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