Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
