well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
