I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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