i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
