You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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