Me. At least after what I've been through.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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