Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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