When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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