the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
