We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
