i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
