a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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