I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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