and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
