heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
