there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
