You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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