i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
