She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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