You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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