hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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