my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
