I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
