Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
