if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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