u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
