return my video game
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
