I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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