he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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