Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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