If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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